Fuck Saturday

The sun rose, shining through the curtains and blinds. Though my eyes weren't open, I could feel the light coming through them. I slowly opened them and rolled over. Almost falling off the couch, I caught myself, waking myself up quickly. I pull my head up and look over at the bed. My girlfriend, or was she my ex-girlfriend now, I'm not sure, the argument was very confusing. But whatever relation she was to me, she lay there, in my bed, but not with her holding her close, as happened every other night. It wasn't always like this of course, we used to be a lot closer. Even yesterday started out great.

I felt a peck on my cheek.
"wake up beautiful."
"Ha ha ha," I thought to myself, pulling myself out of sleep.
"Wake up sleepyhead," she said.
"I'm up,, I'm up already," I told her, lying through my teeth.
She threw the covers off, taking away my final rung on the sleep ladder. I opened my eyes to see her get out of bed, her normal morning attire of boy shorts and some old t-shirt walking towards the bathroom. I got out of bed, put the sheets back on, and yawned again. Another late night, like the kinds I wished for when I was single. I flipped on the TV, the news on as usual, and sat down on the couch. She came out the bathroom and sat down next to me, my arm instinctively moving around her. Her long brown hair laid upon my arm, those deep brown eyes staring forward, but I know they were thinking of me. I leaned over, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and smiled, just as she did.
"God damn," I thought to myself, "Who knew stereotypes could be so nice?"
She got up after a few minutes and walked over towards the kitchen.
"What do you want for breakfast?" she yelled back to me.
"Eggs and toast, dear," I yelled back to her.
After a few more minutes watching the news, which in all honesty I would watch all day if it wasn't for her, I got up and made my own way to the kitchen. I reached to grab the coffee grounds out of the cupboard, but quickly noticing the scent of coffee already in the air, I reach for my mug and poor myself some. She was pretty great for things like this, but it's not like she was some housewife, I did stuff like this for her all the time. She finishes cooking breakfast, and sets it out on the table. We each eat our breakfast, looking across at each other and just laughing like two idiots. If I could say so to the world, I would define this as bliss. But I couldn't. I couldn't say this to the world, because it would be a lie. There is no peck on the cheek on the waking up, just the floor next to me. No arm around her, just a fist through the wall. No special breakfast in the morning, just waking up at 4 in the afternoon with empty pop cans sitting on the computer desk, the only reminder of a long night alone.

The bar oozed with sound. The band on stage pounded the air with their sounds, the haunting organ backing them up. A man sat at the bar, a wrinkled gray suit covering him, alcohol circulating through his system. His eyes were touching the dirty bar, his head so close he could see through the atoms of the old oak. One hand rested on his head, half out of his sadness, half covering his balding head. There was nothing genuinely wrong with this man, he had a wife, kids, a job. But he was missing the most crucial thing to any person, a will to live. He wasn't sure where things went wrong or how he got to where he is, but ignoring all that, he knew that as soon as the cheap beer was gone form his mug, he would cross the street and jump in the river, the night obscuring him from view, the faulty streetlamp covering for him. His took another sip, saw the clean bottom of the glass, and set it down. He left his wallet on the bar, full of money, identification, and mementos. He walked out, no one noticing, or otherwise not caring. He made his way slowly across the street, and reached the center of the road. Continuing on, now seeing the water, he slowed his pace. This was not something to be rushed. The streetlamp, the one variable he thought he had control of, flickered on. He turned his head to look up at it, and while looking away, he was struck by a car. The car sped away, the red tracks left the only trail leading away. The man lay there, cut down at the bottom of the barrel. The streetlight shone on his lifeless corpse, a red river running out of him. He had no last words, his punctured lung couldn't expel words, and his already dead brain had nothing to say. His vocal cords lay there in limbo, between not caring and no being able.

Jesus, Etc.

Jesus, don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can combine anything you want

I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can come by any time you want

I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

Our love
Our love
Our love is all we have

Our love
Our love is all of God's money
Everyone is a burning sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

Heavt Metal Drummer

So, things.

I haven't seen anyone from school really since it got out. Was alone from Sunday until Saturday. Saw Chris for like 2 minutes. Saw Bradley later at the festival. Left the festival because Erikka was there and I'm an emotionally immature faggot. Went over to Bradley's house, hung out with him and Sam and played Mario. Left at like 12:30. Then today I did jack shit. Hooray. Anyway, here's a Wilco song. Emphasis mine.

Oh I sincerely miss those heavy metal bands
I used to go see on the landing in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love

Shiny shiny pants and bleached blond hair
A double kick drum by the river in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
Another then another
She fell in love

I miss the innocence I've known
Playing Kiss covers beautiful and stoned

Unlock my body and move myself to dance
Into warm liquid, flowing blowing glass
Classical music blasting masks the ringing in my ears

Oh I sincerely miss those heavy metal bands
I used to go see on the landing in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love with another
She fell in love

I miss the innocence I've known
Playing Kiss covers beautiful and stoned

I miss the innocence I've known
Playing Kiss covers beautiful and stoned

Playing Kiss covers beautiful and stoned

Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us

The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out (we're not working out)
We're not working out (we're not working out)
And you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends
and we're not working out, we're not working out
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news I heard from waking
and it's hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
Well I'll choose this life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making
And I get a little shaken, because I live my life like this
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out,
We're not working out
And you can't keep my brother, and you won't fuck my friends
and we're not working out, we're not working out
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Never again, never, never again

(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me)
ne.. never... never... never again
(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself)
ne.. never... never... oh baby let me.. oh baby... oh baby
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
I'm knocking let me in
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
I'm knocking let me in
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in

The Greatest Song Ever

Tonight, Tonight is easily the greatest song ever, or at least my favorite song in the world. It sends shivers down my spine from the second it starts, and I know every line to it by heart. I even have the end written on my shoe, I'll bold the part.

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe that life can change
That youre not stuck in vain
Were not the same, were different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know youre never sure
But youre sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

Well crucify the insincere tonight
Well make things right, well feel it all tonight
Well find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

It's a God Damn Metaphor

Well, I had something written here, but it was really mean, so I took it down. So, instead of expressing my emotions and dealing with my feelings, here are lyrics.



Fed up with "made you look"
and dirty crooks without a clue
They all wear the same face
And it says, "Hangman, I'm on to you"

Hangman, it's not your fault
commit this to memory
the bright ideas always get lost along the way

Last call for medicine
to count me in and turn me loose
I never meant to hide anything
but I'll never tell the truth

Hangman, it's not your fault
commit this to memory
the bright ideas always get lost along the way

Commit this to memory (commit this to memory)
Commit this to memory (commit this to memory)
Commit this to memory (commit this to memory)
Commit this to memory

I'm just a guy that never tried
I'm just a stupid fuck with brilliant luck
and sometimes a bright idea
So shower me in a chorus of compliments
and verse I don't deserve
I might run but I'll never hide

Hey, that's not right
you can't complain
"everything's gonna be just fine"
said the pen to the dotted line
If memory serves, then mark my words
this game's called "catch me if you can"
and with wine we salute all our bitterness

Fed up with "made you look"
and dirty crooks without a clue
They all wear the same face
and it says, "Hangman I'm on to you"

Story Time

He's a little something I've been working on.

The monitor lit the darkened room, keyboard tapping away as the person behind it laughed.
"Man, that was crazy," Jake typed to his friend.
He clicked another link his friend sent him, and started reading. A train came past his window, drowning out the music pouring from his tinny speakers.
"God damn it! We hear you, we know there's a train, just shut up!" he yelled out his window, slamming it shut in the process.
"Jake, what was that?" his mother called in asking.
"Just shut the window Mom."
"Well, I'm going to the store, you need anything?"
"No Mom, I'm fine."
His mother walked down the hallway and out the door. Jake watched as she pulled away, then ran back over to his computer.
"Okay, she's gone, go ahead and send it."
A naked woman filled his screen, instantly capturing his attention.
"So, pretty hot, huh?" his friend asked.
"Yeah man, total babe."
"Well hey, I got shit to do tomorrow, so I'll talk to you later," his friend sent.
"Okay man, cya later," Jake typed back.
He pushed himself away from the computer desk and stood up. It was getting late, but it didn't matter. Summer was in full swing, and his responsibilities were few to none. He walked out of his room and down the hall to the living room. The blue walls had grown all to familiar to him, being home this much tended to do that. He stepped out onto his porch, the humid summer air meeting his face. The sky was dark, the sun all but hiding itself from view. It felt late, the time change never seemed right. He looked down the street, his house staring back at him, nothing but the colors and yards changed, all the way to end of the block. Someone was having a party down the street, the music and smells moving down to Jake's house. He didn't know whose party it was, but he wouldn't have gone anyway. Everyone his age seemed like a brute, someone who just didn't him.
"Fuck," he thought to himself, "I sound more like a teenager every day."
Jake hated this more than anything. The precarious balance of emotion versus maturity always troubled him. He wanted to show his true colors, but whenever he saw someone else doing this, he brushed it off and degraded them, seeing it as a sign of succumbing to some societal mold. He turned and walked back inside, no use upsetting himself over things he couldn't control. He walked into the kitchen and rooted through the fridge, looking for something to drink. He stopped, and closed the fridge.
"I could get drunk, right now," he said out loud to himself. "There's nothing stopping, no moral obligation, no legal repercussions, nothing. But still I don't do it. Why? Why do I not do these things?"
These small-town moral dilemmas seemed all too common to Jake. He certainly wasn't a philosopher, but for someone his age he pondered things much too often.
"You know what, to hell with it, I can drink this, and then maybe I can finally relax a little bit," he said, still talking to himself, whilst reaching for the liquor cabinet. He pulled out a handle of scotch and a tumbler, and set it on the table. He pulled two ice cubes out of the freezer and dropped them in the glass, the clinking louder than he had hoped. Still nervous that someone would come home, he poured the scotch into the glass and quickly put it away. He grabbed his glass and made his way back to his room.
"Well, if I'm gonna do it, better just get it down," he said out loud, moving the glass to his lips. He poured the contents down his throat, nearly spitting it up at the intensity of the alcohol. He swallowed it all down and moved over to his chair. He sat for a few minutes, waiting for the liquor to take effect, but didn't feel too much.
"Maybe this is what it's supposed to be like, numbness and solidarity," he thought to himself. He layed down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, contemplating this decision, and others he had made. He always seemed to come back to pass ideas he had, and pinpointed exactly where they went wrong. He knew he couldn't fix them, but he still tried to learn from them, or that was his excuse for it. Really, he knew he was just remembering his failures, trying not to get too optimistic, always bringing himself down just enough to look out for himself, but not so much to be a downer on everyone else. As he thought, the alcohol made him more and more drowsy, until he slipped into sleep.

Oh Man

If there was ever a night that I was to get completely trashed and fuck something up, it'd be tonight. But I'll get past it, and just listen to songs about people getting drunk and fucking things up.

I broke free on a Saturday morning.
I put the pedal to the floor.
headed north on mills avenue,
and listened to the engine roar.

my broken house behind me and good things ahead,
a girl named cathy wants a little of my time.
six cylinders underneath the hood crashing and kicking,
ahhh listen to the engine whine.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I played video games in a drunken haze
I was seventeen years young.
hurt my knuckles punching the machines
the taste of scotch rich on my tongue.

and then cathy showed up and we hung out.
trading swigs from the bottle all bitter and clean
locking eyes, holding hands,
twin high maintenance machines.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I drove home in the California dusk.
I could feel the alcohol inside of me.
home.
picture the look on my stepfather's face,
ready for the bad things to come.

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway.
the motor screaming out stuck in second gear.
the scene ends badly as you might imagine,
in a cavalcade of anger and fear.

there will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

Also, this isn't what set me off or anything, but this quote from my ex-girlfriend sums things up pretty well.

"Once me and Nick broke up I was completely happy"

Song About An Angel

I've been feeling pretty down lately. I mean, the end of school is coming up in 2 days, but I just know I'm gonna sleep all day, and do nothing when I'm awake. Just like last summer, and the one before. Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2005, and go through that summer again. Minus the abuse and broken hearts, of course. But other than that, it was great, I was actually enjoying myself. But I guess I need to roll with the punches and make some opportunities for myself. Or not, I don't really care.

For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it?
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay well did you
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

Rat Rider

Those chariots, racing your run, autographing flooded slums.
Those chariots, they never sleep, chased you down a lilac's lung.
Rat rider!
Rat rider!
Rat tails just sprout from your scalp.
Those chariots, they're closing in, made your wife from diesel fumes.
Those chariots with megaphones threw a bachelor party for you.
Rat rider!
Rat rider!
Soaked fur just dyes our dirty talk.
Every fang is polished gag-colored green like a sun so sick it only shines when it sinks.
Your mother's tethered to the tv set.
Your father's doing push-ups in the driveway again.
We want a coupon for a discount dream.
We want a forest just like a museum where the leaves are priceless antiques,
Memorabilia from a century kidnapped by grief.
Rat rider!
C'mon, rat rider!
Those chariots stamp their id on disappointment's sobbing chords.
Those chariots trampled new filth on fantasies you can't afford.
Rat rider!
Rat rider!
Cold claws just ransacked your pockets.

One

I cant remember anything
Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
Im waking up I can not see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me

Back in the womb its much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But cant look forward to reveal
Look to the time when Ill live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me
Now the world is gone Im just one
Oh god,help me hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)

This song basically sums up my last relationship. Not based on the lyrical content or anything, but those dark Friday nights at the bowling alley, watching her drift away from me.

[Intro]

Goddamn Lil Mama
U know u thick as hell u know what I'm sayin
Matter fact
After the club u know what I'm talkin bout
Me and my niggas gone be together u know what I'm sayin
I ain't gon worry bout them really though
I'm just lookin at u
Yea u know
U got them big ass hips god damn!

[Verse 1]

Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes butter pecan brown I see you girl
Droppin Low
She Comin Down from the ceiling
To tha floo
Yea She Know what she doin
Yea yea yea
She doin that right thang
Yea yea yea yea ea
I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper

[Chorus x2]

She poppin she rollin she rollin
She climbin that pole and
I'm N Luv with a stripper
She trippin she playin she playin
I'm not goin nowhere girl I'm stayin
I'm N Luv with a stripper

[Verse 2 (T-Pain)]
Out of all the girls she be the hottest
Like n the way she break it down I see u girl
Spinnin wide
And She lookin at me
Right in my eyes
Yea She got my attention
Yea yea yea
Did I forget to mention
I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm N Luv Wit a Stripper

[Verse 3 (Mike Jones)]
She's every man's dream
She's God's gift to Earth
Women they love 'em too
That's what you call a women's worth
See I love all the strippers
Because they show me love
They know I never pay as free whenever I hit the club
But I can't even lie
The girls are here so fly
She slidin' up and down that pole got me mesmerized
Mike Jones don't ever trick
But god damn she thick
I can't lie, I must admit
I'm in love with a stripper

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 4]

She can pop it she can lock it
Teddy Penderass down I'm bout to see this sexy girl
In My bed
She don't know what she is doin
To my head
Yea She turnin tricks on me
Yea Yea Yea
She dont even know me
Yea yea yea ea
I'd have got her over to my crib to do that night thing
Cause I'm N Luv Wit a Stripper

[Chorus x4]

Flagpole Sitta

I had visions, I was in them,
I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rottenness and evil in me

Fingertips have memories,
Mine can't forget the curves of your body
And when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(But no one ever does)

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
and I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don't even own a TV

Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, Goddamn you

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin, to live so well

I wanna publish 'zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind
Mind...

Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin' to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm runnin' underground with the moles
Diggin' big holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live this well

(One, two, three, four!)

MakeDamnSure

You've got this new head filled up with smoke
I've got my veins all tangled close
To the jukebox bars you frequent
The safest place to hide
A long night spent with your most obvious weakness
You start shaking at the thought you are everything I want
'Cause you are everything I'm not

And we lay we lay together just not
Too close, too close (How close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close

I just wanna break you down so badly
Well I trip over everything you say
I just wanna break you down so badly
In the worst way

My inarticulate store bought hangover hobby kit
It talks, and it says, "You,are, you are so cool."
"Scissor shaped across the bed, you are red, violent red."
You hollow out my hungry eyes
You hollow out my hungry eyes

And we lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close (How close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close

I just wanna break you down so badly
Well I trip over everything you say
Well I just wanna break you down so badly
In the worst way

I just wanna break you down so badly
Well I trip over everything you say
I just wanna break you down so badly
In the worst way (worst way)

I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave
No, you won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
I'll make damn sure that you can't ever leave
No, you won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far...

I just wanna break you down so badly
Well I trip over everything you say
I just wanna break you down so badly
In the worst way (worst way)

I'm gonna make damn sure
I just wanna break you down so badly
I just wanna break you down so badly (damn sure)
In the worst way (worst way)

Possession

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read - just yet
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

Straight Edge

I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do
Than sit around and fuck my head
Hang out with the living dead
Snort white shit up my nose
Pass out at the shows
I don't even think about speed
That's something I just don't need

I've got the straight edge

I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do
Than sit around and smoke dope
'Cause I know I can cope
Laugh at the thought of eating ludes
Laugh at the thought of sniffing glue
Always gonna keep in touch
Never want to use a crutch

I've got the straight edge

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_edge

"That Girl"

I think every guy out there knows that girl. The one you wish you had school to see. The one you play the game "Get Your Hopes Up" for. The one you constantly remind yourself it's only high school but what ifs always come into your mind. It's a great feeling, but it's a treacherous road. On one hand, you get her, and that narrow little path becomes the (excuse the cheesiness) 8 lane highway of love. On the other hand, you role snake eyes in get your hopes up and you take the chute all the way back to the bottom. But after every slip back down, you build yourself up a little more, and a little more, until you get to a point where you can pull yourself up pretty quickly. This doesn't mean you have no feelings for them or ask out someones best friend right after they dump you (I'm guilty of both), but it means that sting of rejection is gone and you can look for the next "big catch". And I say it's about time I start fishing again.

El Scorcho

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby
You won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come down on the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them
How cool is that?
So I went to your room and read your diary:
"Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..."
And then my heart stopped: "Listening to Cio-Cio San
Fall in love all over again."

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart
How stupid is it?
For all I know you want me too
And maybe you just don't know what to do
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand
'Cause I think we'd make a good team
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'Cause I can't even look in your eyes
Without shakin', and I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I'm a lot like you.
I'm a lot, and I'm waitin.
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me.

The Dead Flag Blues

the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows

the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn

we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death

the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

it went like this:

the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair

the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze

i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful -
these are truly the last days"

you grabbed my hand and we fell into it
like a daydream or a fever

we woke up one morning and fell a little further down -
for sure it's the valley of death

i open up my wallet
and it's full of blood

First Date

In the car, I just can't wait...
To pick you up on our very first date
Is it cool if I hold your hand?
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?
Do you like my stupid hair?
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?
I'm just scared of what you think.
You make me nervous so I really can't eat

Lets go... don't wait... this night's almost over
Honest... lets make... this night last forever
Forever, and ever... lets make this last forever
Forever, and ever... lets make this last forever

When you smile, I melt inside
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time
I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room

Please don't look at me with those eyes
Please don't hint that your capable of lies
I dread the thought of our very first kiss
A target that I'm probably gonna miss

Lets go... don't wait... this night's almost over
Honest... lets make... this night last forever
Forever, and ever... lets make this last forever
Forever,and ever... lets make this last forever

Lets go... don't wait... this night's almost over
Honest... lets make... this night last forever
Forever,and ever... lets make this last forever
Forever,and ever... lets make this last forever

Forever,and ever... lets make this last forever
Forever,and ever... lets make this last forever!

She Smiled Sweetly

Why do my thoughts loom so large on me?
They seem to stay, for day after day
And won't disappear, I've tried every way

But she smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
And says don't worry
Oh, no no no

Where does she hide it inside of her?
That keeps her peace most every day
And won't disappear, my hair's turning grey

But she smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
And says don't worry
Oh, no no no

"There's nothing in why or when
There's no use trying, you're here
Begging again, and ov'r again"

That's what she said so softly
I understood for once in my life
And feeling good most all of the time

But she smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
And said don't worry
Oh, no no no
Oh, no no no
Oh, no no no

Disciple

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race

Homicide-Suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for Peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered

God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All
He Fuckin' hates me

Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy

I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place

Sonic Boom

If you're strong, you can fly,
you can reach the other side of the rainbow.
It's alright, take a chance,
'cause there is no circumstance
that you can't handle (when you use your mind)


Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (trouble
keeps you runnin' faster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Somic Boom (save the
planet from disaster)

Through the dark, to the light
It's a super sonic flight
gotta keep it goin'

Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (trouble
keeps you runnin' faster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Somic Boom (save the
planet from disaster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (spinnin'
though the world in motion)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Booooom...

Live and Learn

Can you feel life movin' through your mind,
Ooh, looks like it came back for more!
Yeah yeah yeah!
Can you feel time slippin' down your spine,
Ooooooh, You try and try to ignore!
Yeah!

But you can hardly swallow,
Your fears and pain.
When you can't help but follow,
It puts you right back where you came.

Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.

Whooooa, yeah!

Can you feel life tangle you up inside?
Yeah, now you're face down on the floor!
Oh!

But you can't save your sorrow,
You've paid in trade!
When you can't help but follow,
It puts you right back where you came.

Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.

Hey, whoa, whoa,
Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

There's a face searching far, so far and wide.
There's a place where you dream you'd never find.
Hold on to what if?
Hold on to what if?

Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.

Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.

Umbrella

Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain
I hydroplane into fame (Eh eh)
Come'n down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone
We Rocafella (Eh eh)
She fly higher than weather
And she rocks it better
You know me
An anticipation for precipitation
stacks chips for the rainy day (Eh eh)
Jay, rain man is back with lil Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things,
will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...

When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
[Umbrella lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Yeah Read let's go look....
Because ...

When the sun shines
We'll shine Together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
You can always come into me
Come into me

Do for Love

Turn it up loud
Hahaha, ahahaha, hey man
You a little sucker for love, right?
Word up, hahahahaha

I shoulda seen
you was trouble right from the starrrrt, taught me so many lessons
How not to mess with broken hearts, so many questions
When this began we was the perfect match, perhaps
we had some problems but we workin at it, and now
the arguments are gettin loud, I wanna say
But I can't help from walkin out just a little way
Just take my hand and understand, if you could see
I never planned to be a man it just wasn't me
But now I'm searchin for commitment, in other arms
I wanna shelter you from harm, don't be alarmed
Your attitude was the cause, you got me stressin
Soon as I open up the door with your jealous questions
Like where can I be you're killin me with your jealousy
Now my ambition's to be free
I can't breathe, cause soon as I leave, it's like a trap
I hear you callin me to come back, I'm a sucka for love
... that's right, sucka for love

What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up
What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up

Just when I thought I broke away and I'm fellin happy
You try to trap me say you pregnant and guess who the daddy
Don't wanna fall for it, but in this case what could I do? So now I'm back
to makin promises to you, tryin to keep it true
What if I'm wrong, a trick to keep me on and on
Tryin to be strong and in the process, keep you goin
I'm bout to lose my composure, I'm gettin close
To packin up and leavin notes, and gettin ghost
Tell me who knows, a peaceful place where I can go
To clear my head I'm feelin low, losin control
My heart is sayin leave, oh what a tangle web we weave
when we conspire to conceive, and now
You gettin calls at the house, guess you cheatin
That's all I need to hear cause I'm leavin, I'm out the do'
Never no more will you see me, this is the end
Cause now I know you've been cheatin, I'm a sucka for love
... damn, sucka for love... sucka for love
... sucka for love

What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up
What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up

Now he left you with scars, tears on your pillow and you still stay
As you sit and pray, hoping the beatings'll go away
It wasn't always a hit and run relationship
It use to be love, happieness and companionship
Remember when I treated you good
I moved you up to hills, out the ills of the ghetto hood
Me and you a happy home, when it was on
I had a love to call my own
I shoulda seen you was trouble but I was lost, trapped in your eyes
Preoccupied with gettin tossed, no need to lie
You had a man and I knew it, you told me
Don't worry bout it we can do it now I'm under pressure
Make a decision cause I'm waitin, when I'm alone
I'm on the phone havin secret conversations, huh
I wanna take your misery, replace it with happiness
but I need your faith in me, I'm a sucka for love
... sucka for love, know you ain't right G but yet I'ma sucka for love

What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up
What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up

... I'ma sucka for love, sucka for love
... Sucka for love

What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up
What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up

What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up
What you won't do, do for love
You tried everything, but you don't give up

Ceremony

This is why events unnerve me,
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she asks the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
World will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.

Oh, Ill break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, its got to be this time,
Watching her, these things she said,
The times she cried,
Too frail to wake this time.

Oh Ill break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, its got to be this time,
Avenues all lined with trees,
Picture me and then you start watching,
Watching forever, forever,
Watching love grow, forever,
Letting me know, forever.

Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Pyr

This is something I wrote. I haven't written in a while, but I did today.

Under the boardwalk lies two lovers
Waste paper skin rubs with match friction
The sand turns to glass
As the glorious ass
He met on the streets turns to dust.

The ice in her drink melted faster than her heart.
Her skin and veins melted faster than her heart
The funeral pyre was her only desire
The arson of arteries turned her emotions to fuel.

He made it half the way back to town on her
But the E on the gauge was the rage he needed
To pump up again.

A prostitute waiting at the fire red light
An abandoned angel of sin
She got in the car
The dead wheels spin.

The gas tank full
He got into home
A empty stomach of lost dreams and failure
Smelling of death and shitty Shakespeare.

The bone walls crunched as he slams the bathroom door
Crying piss tears and collapsing to the floor
Guilt turned his heart black
Blood will not turn it back.

The kitchen erupts like a Hawaii vacation volcano
The body part campfire set to bake at 350
Lost college educations burned in the den
Poor mother's tears couldn't stop the flames

The grass sung as it burned
The lawnmower exploded with passion
The neighbor's belongings cried out to deaf ears
The tree cried a drying a tear.

The pedal to metal, the fuel fresh with dropouts
The cliffside awaits
An escape from mistakes
The steel hits water
The tires keep turning
You can't drown this failure
You can't drown this failure.

Ambulance Vs. Ambulance

Ambulance X extracts several consultants
from the slow gumming death at the office orifice.
Ambulance Y imprisons the sigh of the recent amputee
and dumps her in the xylophone trees.
Ambulance X scours the tanning complex for repunzels
rotting in their skin cooking coffins.
Ambulance Y drops the body off at the door step.
Ambulance X pulls you out of the party
and rubs your freckles like a DJ to his records
but Ambulance Y teaches you the word goodbye
and cuts off your hands to show you where you stand,
under the monolith, under the monolith
of what is love and what is scam,
what is sun and what is tan.

The Ambulance Angels
pull up to your doorstep
the sirens flash emergency,
oh yeah, "you'd better come quick."
The Ambulance Angels
chisel a crack in your mouth,
and then they paint a landscape
with your regret and shouts.

Roll tape and decode the moans,
Roll tape and decode the moans,
ventilate the scandal from these locked up mouth holes.
Roll tape and decode the moans,

You'll never see your wife and children
again, so tell us what it was going through your head,
when you looked in, into their eyes
and said "no thanks I'll take the hooker instead"

Roll tape and decode the moans,
Roll tape and decode the moans,
ventilate the scandal from these locked up mouth holes.
Roll tape and decode the moans,
Roll tape and decode the moans,

You'll never see that office again
so when the nurse amputates both of your thighs
come a little bit closer to the mic
and tell us what you miss more, your desk or the hungry sky.

The Ambulance Angels
pull up to the graveyard,
and leave you there bubbling
broken sonnets and shards.
The Ambulance Angels
notify your next of kin
and show them the scrap book
of your operation:
His head was a faucet
leaking love, laughter and lies:
all his secret wishes,
all his world famous sighs.
Before you remember,
Oh yeah, before you give in,
just remember we're coming
back for your children.